Well apparently he's into motor boating.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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