Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
