I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
