this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
