Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
