I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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