So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
