the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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