I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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