She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is Oprah even human
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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