Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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