Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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