My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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