Did you just see the Batmobile???
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
