i need an iv and a liver transplant
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
