I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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