i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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