can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
