if you like me you must not know who I am
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
