Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
