Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish i was in the wii world.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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