And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
