yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
