We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
time to smoke my breakfast
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
