Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize