I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
