I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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