You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
