proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
