She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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