every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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