Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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