I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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