I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
