I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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