You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize
