like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
