apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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