someone threw a dead crab at me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've blown a few things in my day
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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