remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
