my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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