if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
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