She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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