Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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