Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
