I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
