I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
