so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm having to shit out rocks
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