You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
