can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
