I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
