11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
