and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
