My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize