You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
