my mouth tastes like poor choices
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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