I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
