too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
