maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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