Just cropdusted the office
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
