just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
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Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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