it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
