Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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