Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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