I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
