I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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