yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
