So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
