I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
