I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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