Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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