Cold hands, warm shart.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
