that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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