we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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