My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
