There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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