High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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