it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she pinky promised me she was 18
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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