forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
