Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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